“You are the average of the five people you spend most time with.”
The quote comes from Jim Rohn, described as one of the leading business philosophers of our time. But what does this mean to the goal setter?
Goal setting is a serious business and, as well as confidence and bags of belief, requires a positive support network.
Just as the American entrepreneur points out the influence of those around us in a modern setting, English poet and preacher John Donne was making similar observations in 1624 with his Meditation 17, Devotions upon Emergent Occasions the lines of which became the poem For Whom the Bell Tolls. Donne wrote: “No man is an island entire of itself, each is a piece of the continent, a part of the main ….”
GOLDEN RULE
One of the golden rules about sharing our goals is to do so only with those who support and believe in us; those who will be there to celebrate our successes and who will still be there to encourage us when there are obstacles to overcome. And, of course, it is important that we are there for them.This means giving a wide berth to those who will undermine us. Unfortunately, this will mean saying goodbye to some we have, until this point, regarded as friends. Most of us will know – or have known – a toxic friend. Some personal growth writers describe them as "energy vampires."
Sometimes they're in our face with their negativity but sometimes they're subtle. They mock or criticise us and attempt to deter us through their own insecurities or lack of ambition. Let's just be clear here that we are talking about those "friends" who constantly chip away at the confidence in our ability to achieve realistic goals.
And the emphasis has to be on "realistic." Even our most supportive friends will deter us from doing something that is against our long-term best interests. Wanting to place our head into the jaws of a lion is ill advised without the appropriate circus training.
As the other saying goes, life is not a rehearsal. We only get one shot at it so we have to make the most of it so we need all the help we can get. This involves building a positive support network with people who will bring out the best in us and challenge us constructively as well as developing a strong goal-setter's immune system to counter negative influences during our journey. We must show love and give help when needed but recognise the long-term effect that negativity has on us.
It might be time for us to carry out an audit of our friendships. Do they raise our spirits and drive us forward? Or, do they sink us to the depths of despondency?
We need to think carefully about what we have absorbed from those friends with whom we spend the most time because if we stay around someone with a cold for long enough, we’re likely to catch it.
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